How much sex are you getting?
Do you take a roll in the hay every night, once
or twice a week, monthly or at no particular
time? For the good of your own relationship,
how much sex should you be having? Many
couples do find infrequent sex to be an issue.
While some are fine with the occasional 5-
minutes romp under the sheets, others wish
they were getting a whole lot more.
There are women who worry that their men
demand too much sex and secretly wish
they’d slow down. But a lot more men
complain that it is their women that are not
giving it up as often as they (men) desire.
More than next door
On the whole, the average couple is happy if
it thinks it’s getting more sex than the couple
next door regardless of how much it’s actually
getting.
Having more sex than your neighbours can
actually make you happy, and research shows
that couples who have sex at least two to
three times a month are more likely to report
a higher level of happiness than those who
who’ve had no sex during the previous 12
months.
The more sex people have, the happier they
tend to be, even when factors like income,
marital status, health and age are taken into
account.
What is more surprising is that even people
who have reasonable amounts of sex report
lower levels of happiness if they think there is
a chance they could be having less sex than
their peers.
Conversely, people who think they are getting
more sex than their peers report higher levels
of happiness, even if — in the great scheme of
things— they aren’t having that much sex.
How much is normal?
This sounds like a simple question, but there
are no right answers. What happens when a
couple has what is called mismatched libidos?
If she likes to have sex four times a week and
he only once or twice, of course they want to
find out who is the abnormal one.
Essentially the amount of sex you have will
depend on you and your relationship, and that
the ideal frequency is tricky to pin
down.People tend to have more sex in the
early stages of a relationship and less lately
on.But the average does suggest that a
natural sexual frequency is something like
once or twice a week in a committed, long
term relationship.
Many couples will be happy with less, and
others will be at it every night, but if you’re up
with the average at least you can stop
stressing about what’s happening next door
and start enjoying what’s happening in your
own bedroom.
At least once a week
Every relationship is different, and the amount
of sex you need is the amount that makes
both partners happy. While there may be no
one right answer to the question of how often
couples should have sex, they should to try to
do it at least once a week.
Pencilling in sex at least once a week means
sex becomes a habit, something you fit in
however busy or stressed you are. Once a
week means you’ll get all the health and
wellbeing benefits, too. So the more you have
the better.
Sexless marriages
Generally speaking, a sexless marriage is one
in which a committed couple has sex less
than 10 times per year. About 1 in five
couples fall into this category.
This may or may not be an issue, depending
on the couple. Some couples, especially older
pairs who’ve been together a long time, are
perfectly fine with once or twice a year or even
not at all, thank you very much.
Not having sex doesn’t mean these couples
aren’t deeply in love, monogamously
committed and happy together. It just means
that sex isn’t as high a priority for them as it
is for some of their friends, neighbours or
people they see on TV and in the movies.
Spice up your flagging sex life If you and your
partner have gone several weeks or even
months without sex and the lack of activity is
troubling you, usually a little bit of effort is
enough to revive your flagging sex life,
especially if the emotional connection
between you and your partner remains strong.
Try one or more of the following tips
Schedule it: Sounds horribly unromantic, but
really it’s quite the opposite. Plan a relaxing
shower and mutual massage as part of
foreplay. After all, who doesn’t look forward to
a massage? Couples who search together for
the right scent of massage oil are off to a
great start.
Mix it up: Perhaps you’ve always had that
special secret fantasy, but you’ve never
mentioned it or acted on it. Now is the time to
talk about it with your partner. Who knows,
maybe he or she is willing to try it. And be
sure to ask about his or her secret fantasy. It
might be a turn-on for you, too. Just make
sure that if you both say yes, you really mean
to say yes. No regrets, please.
Go away. If you’ve always done it in the
bedroom, try another room, the kitchen, or a
hotel, or a cabin in the woods. It’s amazing
what a little change of venue can do for a
stale sex life.
Be romantic
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